I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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