Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
