We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
