who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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