theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize