hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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