dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
