That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
