Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
