Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
