I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize