Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
