This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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