i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
should my penis look like a turkey
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
