he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
