I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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