I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
