My friends, they love my intelligence
Life is so much better after having sex.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
