They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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