She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
