Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
