That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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