You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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