JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
