OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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