waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
