She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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