Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
