When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize