You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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