That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
