I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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