God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
