btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
