So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
