is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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