Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
