I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
