watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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