how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
