Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
