there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize