New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He felt like a one man threesome
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't turn off my feet"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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