There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Farmville is her only friend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
