Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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