Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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