My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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