you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
