I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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