well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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