So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
