We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
