i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
