so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
