im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
