he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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