My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
