"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
