I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
