Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
