he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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