Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
