My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
