I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
