The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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