mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize